Why Me?

When I first met “Liz,’ I was thrilled because we immediately had a great deal in common; we both had a child with “stuff.”

 I found her absolutely funny, intelligent and so down to earth.  When I learned she was an adoption social worker, well, that was it!  She was a hero in my eyes.  Of course there was one other element that sent me to the moon and back -- in addition to her two girls, she had adopted a boy.  I had come to learn that the boy was a child to one of her earlier clients.  Oh yeah, wings for life!

 Years later, we are all still great friends.  She is my go to friend and mom when my world falls apart.  She keeps me laughing out loud (aren’t you glad I didn’t use LOL?), consoles me when I need it and then some. 

 Of late, she has struggled with her son in terms of his stuff.  He was first diagnosed bipolar, then personality disorder…already way too much for anyone to acknowledge.  But yet, this Warrior Mom keeps moving forward to do what ever it takes to hold on to her son.  What do I mean by that?  He steals, accuses people of false wrongdoing, and misuses his cell phone and Internet privileges.  Oh, did I mention he is now 17? 

He is close to the age of 18 where he can be on his own and it scares the hell out of my friend.  Her son had a job and screwed it up and got fired.  Had friends and screwed up and now he has no friends.  None.  It is a sad scenario. 

I’ve seen my dear friend scream over the fact that her son can’t get it together.  “What is going to happen to him?  What will become of him?”  She often asks me.  She has two girls in school and has to keep tabs on homework, activities, etc because that’s what parents do.  So in addition to her job, attending to her son and being a mom she stays vertical.  To me, that’s where the phrase is appropriate of I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT?

She is an excellent mom and on top of that, SHE SAVES THE WORLD!  She is incredibly dedicated to her clients in finding them real, forever homes.  I’ve seen her work long hours writing home studies way into the early evening to insure her clients get the best.  So her big question to me a lot is WHY ME?

 I know we moms often ask that question.  I do.  ALL THE TIME.  Why is it that after everything I do, provide for, love and encourage it just all falls to crap?  Forever climbing the mountain of well being, yet we slide down and tumble to the ground.

I see my friend fall and struggle to get back up.  Her moments of “I’m done” are truly warranted.  Her son is lovely and I know he wants to do well, but maybe he’s not capable.  He had a sad beginning in life prior to being adopted and I know, we know, this is the root of all his problems.  But how many battles can one mom fight before she truly falls on her sword? 

 I will continue to be there for my friend.  We will have our get togethers with our children and we will share our ups and downs.  We will accept our children with “stuff” and support each other, yet how is she going to make this work with her son? 

 I don’t have the answer.  Nobody really does.  We take our lives day by day and hope that before we go to bed, we are able to say we did our best.

With that, I raise my sword to this mom – this Warrior Mom who will fight to keep life well for her children amidst all the drama and severe mental health issues she faces daily.

She is a Warrior Mom.  Are you?

            

Blast Off!

Warrior Mom:  defined (by me as) informed, ready, confident, prepared, scared, in-the-know, fearless, fearful, stay ahead, liberating, secure, empowering, educate, proven, been there-done that, learn as you go, trial and error…

While I have had this blog in my head for a little over a year, now is the time to share it with other moms.  I see that we wake up ready to take on the day; school, doctors, paying bills, not able to pay bills, lives lost, sick children, happy children, happy moms, unhappy moms, and the country in a financial crisis.

Warrior Moms stand tall and take it.  It’s not to say that we don’t fall down because we do.  We fall down a lot, but our strength from inside and the important strength from other Warrior Moms give us the energy to move on.

This blog is dedicated to the WM’s who hold up their shield and fight the good fight.  It’s not to say that we are always right in our actions.  On the contrary, we often screw up and when we do, we feel it or the world tells us we screwed up.

 I have one child with challenges.  These “challenges” have the term of “special needs.”  Since day one, I have had to advocate for my child in all facets of his life.  It continues to be a bit of a struggle but I do it.  I do it because I am a Warrior Mom and my child is worth it. 

With school started, I have my concerns about his educational, emotional and experiential needs being met.  I won’t however, hover because I have to place my trust in the educators who educate him.   But, I also will not sit quietly if actions are required.

You know the scenes in Batman, Spider man  Bat Girl or any other Super Hero movie where she/he is fighting like mad to protect yet during it all the super hero is getting his ass kicked?  That’s what it felt like literally for my child every week at his former school.  This should not be the case!  I fought and fought and paid heavily out of pocket but the one who paid the most was my child. 

 Fortunately, I have recently met a small group of moms who seem to share my values of education and be on the same track.  Maybe this will be my Warrior Mom den.   I hope so.   With it all, I stand tall and raise my shield for all to know that I am a WARRIOR MOM.

 Are you?

Running on Empty!

So after looking at the clock, it is very clear that we are already late.  Even with my night before planning of setting my purse and satchel aside in the living room, I still didn't have my act together.  Two boys, one left earlier with dad, thank goodness.  The other, well...the other...he tends to not be as easy on the transitional side of life.

Knowing that being late is already rushing through my veins, I call out "let's go, Buddy!" Silent.  Not one word.  Then suddenly..."Mom, where is my bluh, bluh, bluh?"  He's calling out some piece of his gaming system that I have zero clue as to what it is or anything about  it.  I tell him that I am not responsible for his gaming pieces and that he will have to be without.
Oh....them fighting words.  He suddenly goes into a frenzy mode of the world stops now because he has to find this piece of plastic that probably cost us ten to fifteen dollars and was manufactured for two.

Before I rant any further, I must share that my son does have some cognitive issues and keeping regulated during a "crisis" is not always possible.
He screams and flips out after at least ten times of my "we gotta go...we're late" ranting.  Then, he loses it.  I scream again and then realize that I've done two things horribly wrong: I soooo became the total opposite of role model mommy by not conforming to his emotional needs and two, rushing.  The last thing I want is my son to grow into one of those people who is constantly rushing and being a mess as he heads out the door.

I know I'm not the worst mom in the world.  I know that he knows I care and love him very much, but did I just AGAIN model my craziness?
We took a moment to calm down.  He processed it, I apologized for not being patient and then like a good mom, I took him to Starbucks for a triple caramel, hot chocolate, whip cream beverage and I had my coffee.
Ahhh, all was right with the world.

P.S.  We never did find his gaming thingy, but I suppose my moment of humanity toward my son's emotions did the trick.  And Starbucks, of course.